When Cheesy Means More Than Simple Tackiness
I’m not sure now what I expected when we went to Cheddar to see the town that invented cheddar cheese and was the original home turf to Cheddar Man, the famous Neolithic Briton whose relatives still live in town nine thousand years later. But I guess I wasn’t quite expecting a tiny British version of Branson, where tacky commercialism rubs shoulders with gorgeous surroundings.
First of all, there is no way to pay for just one or two attractions in town. You have to buy an all-attraction Explorer ticket, which costs £15, so two people need to part with the equivalent of about $60 to see the town’s “big” sights. The Explorer ticket gets you on the double-decker bus to the top of the gorge, into Gough’s Cave (the only A+ attraction of the lot), into Cox’s Cave and Crystal Cave (really the same cave), into the Cheddar Man & the Cannibals museum (the name is almost the tackiest part), and up to Jacob’s Ladder. Be warned that Cox’s Cave is a real cave which is beautiful, but which, after a few yards, becomes clogged with animatronic figures and a sound system which booms aloud that you are some great elf warrior on a quest to save the world. So if you’re itching to defeat the evil of “Mordac” and walk through a bunch of flashing lights and bass rumblings to a room decorated with a huge dragon and a glowing stone (which you’re enjoined to touch – I didn’t), this is definitely for you.
I had been excited about the prospect of buying real cheddar cheese in the real Cheddar, and having it shipped to the cheese fanatics I know as unique gifts. At the Cheddar Gorge Cheese Factory store, one can certainly buy cheese, but I really needed to have each package (I planned to buy several) shipped to a different address. Could I do this? Well, why not — I can’t be the only tourist who wants to buy cheese for friends and family, right?
Well, maybe I am. When I asked about buying cheese to ship, the woman behind the counter cheerfully handed me a brochure (I thought she was going to give me an order form), told me I’d have to order off their website, and she thought there might be an internet cafe in Weston, about twenty-five miles away. So … let me get this straight. I’ve come 5000 miles and am standing in front of you, in your store, surrounded by cheese, and you’re sending me on a wild goose chase covering twenty-five miles and you only think I might find an internet connection once I get to this mystery location somewhere in Weston-super-Mare? Er … what?
Needless to say, I didn’t purchase any cheese. Now, why couldn’t she have handed me an order form? Or, at least, why isn’t there an internet connection right there in the store? I’m still scratching my head over that one and have reallocated the money I intended to use on gifts of cheese to gifts of other kinds.
If you can tell I was a bit disgruntled with my Cheddar experience, well, yes, I was. The gorge is beautiful and Gough’s Cave is very interesting, but whether or not Cheddar was worth $60 for two Explorer tickets and a day out of our vacation is something I’m not convinced of. I’d say, if you want to visit, skip the attractions and go hiking or rock climbing. If nothing else, you can’t beat the scenery.
Copyright Martha Kneib. Published 1 September 2008 in What’s New.
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