Welcome, 2009!
I resolve…sort-of
I am not a New Year’s person. The last time I stayed up until midnight on New Year’s Eve was Year 2000, and I look upon the holiday as a day off from work to sit on the couch and watch the Law & Order marathons that typically air on at least three channels. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I change my life when the need arises, not when Jenny Craig and Gold’s Gym pump millions of dollars into membership drives. And when I do feel the need to better myself, I set a goal rather than make a resolution. A goal allows for progress and incremental success, in contrast to the cold turkey and all-or-nothing success versus failure inherent in a resolution.
That said, I’m starting 2009 with a goal. My goal for 2009 is to be more upfront about my childfreedom. In reality, this is a continuation of a process that began many years ago, having its genesis in my teenage years when I came to the realization that I did not want kids. When asked, or when the topic of children arose in conversation, I have always been honest. I have not, however, been as direct as I’d like in correcting people who assume I want children or who think I will “change my mind.”
I’m a very outspoken person, never shy to share my opinion on any of a variety of issues. But there is a certain defensiveness that seems to arise from the childed when I divulge that I have made different choices for my life, and as a result, I am loath to risk the verbal attacks, however subtle, that may be unleashed upon me. More often, it is condescension that I hear from childed individuals uncomfortable with my choices. Since I’m old enough to drive, vote, drink alcohol, and—dare I point out?—have a child, I have no desire to be treated like one.
I’ve been successful in avoiding confrontation, but only by gritting my teeth or, worse, misrepresenting myself and perpetuating the myth that childfreedom is something to hide. No more. In this new year, my goal is to make it clear to everyone who sees fit to concern themselves with my reproductive decisions that kids are not in my future and, what’s more, I’m thrilled about it.
My first priority will be to appropriately confront those people who find it necessary to tell me what my life will be like “when you have kids.” I’ve been told to enjoy my freedom because “when you have kids, you won’t have any.” Needless to say, I have thought about this in making my decision to remain childfree, and, I’m opting not to give up my freedom voluntarily. Then there’s, “It’s different when it’s your own.” Of course it’s different when it’s your own—you are saddled with the responsibility twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. These are points I intend to make loud and clear—well, maybe not so loud, but certainly clear.
I don’t have a second priority—I assume I will make that determination as circumstances evolve. I like to keep my goals somewhat nebulous to allow for the flexibility to adapt as new situations develop. When I became a (mostly) pesco-vegetarian two years ago, my goal was not to give up meat altogether but to stop eating it most of the time and to see how long I could stick with my new dietary plan. To my surprise, I’ve been remarkably successful.
I have every intention of being just as successful in my latest goal. Like past years, the new year will present many opportunities to celebrate my childfreedom, and I know I can rise to the occasion. I just won’t be toasting “happy childfree new year” when the clock strikes midnight. I will be fast asleep.
Copyright Julie Nisley. Published 1 January 2009 in Editorials.
Reader comments
Commenting is closed for this article.
Good luck!
I think it’s very important to be honest about your choices, I have a few cousins who state they will “never have children”, and I am hoping that some of it is due to my honesty and influence. I enjoy my life without children, and will call to the rug anyone who says that “I’ll change my mind” or “it’s different when they’re yours”. I like to say “Doesn’t every child deserve a eager, happy and willing parent?” Some how, that sounds more diplomatic than a simple “I don’t believe you”
permalink — 6 January 2009, 13:37