The Choices We Make
This month we celebrate childfreedom. We all have it, but what are you doing with it?
“What do you find most gratifying about your existence as a childfree adult?”
How great would it be if childed adults asked this question right after they inquire about our parental status? I tire of the awkward pauses in conversation. When 127 childfree women responded on an online survey asking, among other things, what was the greatest reward in following the “no kid” path, overwhelmingly they answered independence and/or freedom. Freedom represents an opportunity that can be interpreted so many individual ways: freedom to travel, to pursue art or music, a career. Perhaps we can all agree that fundamentally, it is freedom from the responsibility of raising children. There is a lot of room for interpretation.
I freely chose not to have a career in the classic sense of the word. Instead, I’ve tried a lot of different things that were more suited to my personality. I crave new challenges. My husband has been on the same sales career track all his life. His rewards reflect his dedication and the long hours he works. In choosing not to follow a similar path, I am his perfect complement and companion. The flexible and part-time schedules that I have maintained throughout our marriage allow me to run our lives like a well-oiled corporation.
I really don’t want someone else to clean my house, and I don’t want to be too tired to cook dinner. The fact that I manage our personal business is not something for the resumé, which is too long already in an attempt to capture the jobs and skills I have picked up along the way. I am a homemaker without the implied kids — not “a lady of leisure” as one relative in half-hearted humor refers to me. Those ladies have nice nails and do not do their own housework. I’d wager they do not fix the garage door opener, assemble their own outdoor cat enclosures, or take the trash out.
My choices and my off-the-beaten-path lifestyle as a childfree adult lead to challenging moments when meeting new people. First impressions are based on one’s grooming, posture, and speech – not just what you say but how you say it. This leads quickly to queries about your demographics, your line of work, what side of town you live on, “who’s your daddy,” etc. Having recently moved to a small town, I admit that at middle-age, I am like a deer caught in the headlights when asked, “What do you do?” “What haven’t I done?” is more like it. People want to put a label on you and fit you in a box based on your current job title. It just doesn’t work like that for me.
Underlying my decision to follow no specific career path is the desire to maximize the amount of time I get to spend with my husband and my extended family. I decided not to have children. I decided to marry a man who was a good provider. I decided not to follow a clear cut career path. I had the freedom to do so.
Our choices define us. Did I make the right ones? They are only right for me. I wouldn’t trade my experiences as a public relations executive, artisan bread-maker, executive assistant, event planner, nonprofit fundraiser, and swim school manager for anything. The childfree path is less traveled, and it is not necessarily down a career path. Who knows what I’ll do next?
Copyright . Published 1 June 2007 in Editorials.
Reader comments
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Bravo! I am so glad you are able to do so many things with your life. I too am hoping for the same type of lifestyle, but unfortunately I’ve been lectured so many times that I “need to do something” with my life. I now have no idea how to go about being as versatile in my “career-path” as you are, without alienating a good handful of people who mean a lot to me. Any thoughts? Thanks for your well-written article.
permalink — 4 June 2007, 13:15
Hey, thanks for the compliment!
My husband and I just bought a house and we are committed to this community. I am job hunting again. My strategy is a long-range one. I first need to let people get to know me, so I am volunteering with a local arts group. I really feel it’s an opportunity to do something interesting, and it may lead to a perfect job.
When my new friends ask me what I am looking for I answer, “I’ll know it when I see it!”
It gets a laugh, but I’ll admit that if they are asking because they want to help me in my quest, it doesn’t give them much to go on.
permalink — 7 June 2007, 12:43
I really love your article! (Well, I love ALL your articles, Teri, actually!
I agree. Currently career keeps me busier than I like cos free time is very important to me. I have lots of things I want to learn cos I think it will be fun and love to travel and I also love just chilling out! In the future I’d love to try some new things job wise, maybe a couple of things part time.
permalink — 15 June 2007, 10:33