No Kids And No Pets
The bumper sticker reads: If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat. But what if you don’t have a cat, or a dog, or a goldfish? What if you are childfree and pet-free?
No one has ever done a representative survey of the childfree to determine how many pet-free CF folks are out there but, apparently, they are pretty rare. In preparation for this article, an appeal was made to childfree by choice persons in a database to solicit quotes from those who are truly empty-nesters. We didn’t come up empty, but the number of responders who were truly pet-free can be counted on two hands.
Not a wide, or even remotely scientific, sample. However, the reasons our respondents are currently living pet-free can be boiled down to five words: responsibility, travel, housing, economics, and timing.
Claudia, a corporate executive who regularly commutes across country, returning home to her hubby on weekends, sums it up:
“Lifestyle…[too] much travel, work, play, and not an environment for a pet. I love dogs and had one during my childhood. [The] lifestyle was different: Mom was at home, Dad worked locally. Our dog was another “sister” and a wonderful member of our family. I sometimes think that once I retire from corporate I would welcome a dog back into our lives…but I’m not sure the fantasy would really be real for us.”
Stacey also doesn’t think she’ll ever have a pet, “We enjoy being very active and traveling a lot. That’s generally not a lifestyle you can have with kids or pets. If we ever settle down enough where we don’t travel and just stay at home a lot more, then my husband would probably like to have a dog. But, I don’t foresee us ever getting to that point. Even in retirement we hope to travel all the time and be active, not settling down and becoming less mobile. ”
Close to half of the pet-free people who responded had entertained the thought of having a dog, but realized they couldn’t take on the responsibility. Or, in some cases, the expense. Deidre explains her dilemma, “I’m a dog person and I live in an apartment. I don’t have enough room for a dog, nor can I afford the cost of paying someone to walk the dog when I am late at work or away for the weekend. ”
Others were like Laura (not the author) who couldn’t imagine being a mom or a pet owner. “I have no idea why so many childfree folks have pets. We have always found that so shocking. To us, it seems ironic. How can you not want to raise a child but yet you want to raise a pet? Seems like the same thing to me. ”
Parenthood and pet ownership do have their parallels. A friend of mine had bred her prize terrier and was confined to the house for weeks while she cared for six puppies. A neighbor has an elderly dog with hip problems that she carries at her breast in a snugly pack as she goes for her morning walk. And then there’s the money. The dog across the street has a toy collection that would make a five-year-old cry with envy. His groomer makes house calls. My former boss financed hip replacements and a pacemaker before they lost their little dog.
Pet owners tell us “pets are people, too.” What the pet-free childfree contingent seems to be saying, for now, is: I don’t want a kid and I don’t want a furry kid.
Not to suggest pets are kid substitutes. They are not. In some ways they may be better than kids, as Jerry, who cares for two cats and a dog, suggests: “Having a pet is almost like having children. [But] unlike human children, your pet will likely never experiment with dangerous drugs [and] as long as a pet is spayed or neutered, you need never fear that it will come home pregnant or make other animals pregnant. ”
Kids and pets both demand and deserve a certain amount of responsible guardianship. They need to be fed, watered, toilet-trained, nurtured, cleaned, groomed, and schooled. They need healthy and safe habitats and good health care. They need to be protected from the elements, from bullies, from careless drivers, from all those who may harm them.
Angela and her husband have four cats and a dog and she admits that they “are walking clichés: childfree, overeducated professionals who baby their pets and hate children . . . I know that many people think that those like me are substituting pets for children, but I actually don’t think it has anything to do with it, and to say so is to privilege raising children over my choice to adopt and care for animals. Most parents . . . disregard the bonds between cat and dog to human parents as illegitimate. This is offensive and misguided: Domesticated animals are helpless; people have taken away their instincts to care for themselves and then many people refuse to take care of them . . . Members of the domesticated animal kingdom must have human guardians in order to survive.”
Rob acknowledges that “our pets are our kids” but also rejects the notion that they are child “substitutes:”
“I wouldn’t use that word. I guess when we say that our pets are our kids is that they are important and loved and are part of the ‘family.’ There is nothing so frustrating [as] when someone says, [when] a pet dies, that ‘it’s only a pet’ or ‘you can get another one next week.’ Try saying that to a parent.”
So what’s the difference between a kid and a pet? Perhaps, the real difference between a kid and a pet is that a significant number of the childfree/pet-free can actually imagine themselves with a pet one day.
Yes, we may change our mind on the pet thing.
We’re unlikely to change our mind on the kid thing.
Copyright Laura S. Scott. Published 1 July 2007 in Features.
Reader comments
Commenting is closed for this article.
I am childfree and animalfree, and happy to go through life without. I think the responsibility of owning a pet can be restrictive. I don’t dislike animals, but I wouldn’t like cleaning up after one. But I think pets are a much better deal because they don’t talk back. And they don’t go through phases like kids do. They are loyal, and always love you. And you don’t have to do homework with them, or bathe them every night. There is something to be said for that.
I just don’t want any dependents in my life, period.
permalink — 2 July 2007, 08:48
However, the reasons our respondents are currently living pet-free can be boiled down to five words: responsibility, travel, housing, economics, and timing.
And the sixth word: allergies. My spouse and I would love to have a cat, but I’m terribly allergic, and not really interested in another type of pet.
permalink — 5 July 2007, 09:21
Thank you for this article! I thought I was the only childfree petfree.
permalink — 5 July 2007, 17:58
I too am Childfree and Petfree.
Childfree because I do not see myself as a father figure. I am Petfree because pets require attention. I often work late and have last minute plans. You cannot be responsible for a pet if you are rarely home.
permalink — 18 July 2007, 12:13
I too am childfree and petfree. I don’t want the responsibility of a pet either. With a dog, one has to take it out for a walk, clean their poop from the grass, groom, clean, train, and spend money on food and at the vet. With a cat one has to clean a litter box and they shed every where. One also has to spend money for food and at the vet. Even a simple small goldfish is work! One still has to feed it and clean their tank or aquarium from time to time. I never had a pet because my parents never allowed it and therefore I am used to living without one. The only living thing I have to take care of is a 4 year old bamboo plant and that’s all.
permalink — 21 July 2007, 19:04
I’m childree and petfree and was beginning to think I was the only one. Have never had a desire to have kids. I never grew up with pets and don’t want them. I’m just not an “animal” person, whether it’s a dog, cat, rabbit, fish, snake..whatever. I don’t want to spend the time, patience, energy or money on something that I don’t even particularly like. So no pets or kids here.
permalink — 22 July 2007, 22:18
I am childfree, pet free and even house plant free. My wife has allergies to pets, but it goes beyond that. We simply don’t want the added responsibility. We want to live our lives for us. Going on vacation involves nothing more than setting the thermostat and locking the door as we head off for another good time.
permalink — 27 July 2007, 08:31