Mother's Day, Childfree Style
Seven years ago, I received my first Mother’s Day card. Having known since I was a teenager that I was childfree, I never expected to be honored on a day presumably set aside for women with children. But seven years ago, I adopted Ernie and Tyler and became part of the “pet people” culture, which is premised on a wonderful belief that pets are family, too.
Ernie and Tyler came into my life as tiny kittens a week before Mother’s Day. I introduced them (and still refer to them) to my mother and father as their “grandkitties,” and because I am childfree, my parents know that felines are as close as they will get to having grandchildren—at least from me, anyway. To my surprise, they welcomed Ernie and Tyler into the family and handed me the card. Since that day, they continue to wish me a happy Mother’s Day, usually with a card they sign with the cats’ names. They also buy Christmas gifts for their grandkitties and call to wish them a happy birthday. Even some of my friends—all childfree, I should note—have noticed my devotion to my “children of the feline variety” and have started wishing me a happy Mother’s Day.
I never had a nurturing instinct with respect to children—I never played with baby dolls or had any interest in homemaker toys like the Easy Bake Oven. But I always had a soft spot in my heart for animals, particularly cats. Growing up, in addition to the family cat, I had a collection of stuffed animal cats, and I always knew I would adopt feline friends as soon as I was financially able. Adopting a pet is a lifetime commitment, and I would have to provide for my cats from kittenhood through the final days of their lives. Like a responsible parent, I waited until I was ready. When that day came, Ernie and Tyler were ready for a home.
Today, when I call the vet or the pet sitter, I refer to myself as “Ernie, Tyler, and Abby’s mom.” (Abby came along quite unexpectedly about a year and a half ago. I immediately welcomed her to the family; Ernie and Tyler took a bit longer to warm up to their new sister.) “Human companion” is too politically correct, and, as anyone who lives with a cat knows, “owner” is inaccurate since people don’t “own” cats—it’s the other way around. So “mom” it is.
In some ways, having cats is a lot like being a parent. I am responsible for the well-being of my feline friends—I have to make sure they are fed, kept warm in the winter and cool in the summer, and, much to their chagrin, taken to the doctor for annual checkups and when the unexpected arises. If they break something or spit up dinner on the floor, I have to clean it up. They demand attention, and I give it to them.
But, oh, how having cats is so unlike being a parent! All three came into my life more or less fully functional—in perhaps the sharpest contrast to human children, they were already “potty trained.” I can leave them at home all day with plenty of food and water, and that’s normal, not child endangerment. There is never a diaper to change. There is never homework to do. There is never crayon on the wall or marker on the plasma television screen. We never watch “Barney.” In fact, when we spend the evening watching true crime or exceptionally violent movies, no one can accuse me of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. When we’re in the car, they do ask, “Are we there yet?” but they will never ask for the keys to drive themselves.
And unlike humans of all ages, animals seem to have an unlimited capacity to be loving and loyal. Human children are demanding, wanting the latest clothing and toys to keep up with their friends and classmates. But all my cats ask is food, shelter, and my love. And no matter what they do—whether they regurgitate their dinner or miss the litter box, even “accidentally on purpose”—I give them that love. They taught me in a matter of moments what years of religious education and my entire childhood never did: that unconditional love not only exists, but it can flourish.
So, to all the childfree women out there who have made a pet a part of your family, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. And to all the childfree men who have done the same, an early Happy Father’s Day.
Copyright . Published 1 May 2008 in Editorials.