Living Single
With over 80 million singles in the United States (and millions more around the world), one would think that the myth of the spinster with ten cats, the wild bachelor, and the lonely, desperate woman would be dispelled. However, even today, relatives try to set us up with their next door neighbor, or friends set us up with that friend of a friend. Sure, within that 80 million, there are people who are in between relationships who are looking for romance. But there are also those who aren’t looking at all.
The reasons for the increase of single persons vary, but major factors include more women furthering their education and building careers, delaying marriage (or never marrying), an increase in the divorce rate, and laxer social values about marriage.
As the economic and social status of women has changed, marriage is no longer a necessity. Instead, marriage is an option. Being single is no longer just a stage in life. Instead, a number of singles are focusing on living their lives through finding meaningful work, cultivating deeper friendships, having hobbies and interests, and doing things in their community. They buy their own homes and decorate them however they wish.
The number of one-person households is growing, with 55% of singles owning homes. Single women, especially, are buying houses now more than ever.
Being single has a few downsides, however. If you live alone, you can’t split the bills or grocery expenses. Some singles may, in fact, experience loneliness at times. Taxes tend to benefit married couples versus single persons. Grocery shopping isn’t always singles-friendly since buying certain foods in bulk is impractical.
Fortunately, there are resources out there to overcome such barriers. Solutions include:
*Build good social networks. Maintaining friendships is important. Find others who share your interests by joining groups or organizations (everything from a book club to volunteering for not-for-profit organizations). Try finding a local chapter of a childfree organization.
*Invest in yourself. In the movie, “Me, Myself, I,” the main character, Pamela Drury, started out as an example of the stereotypical single. She ate cereal and milk for dinner, her home was a mess (peeling wallpaper, unpacked boxes), and she was lonely and desperate. Eventually, she transformed and began taking better care of herself by decorating her apartment and building a new relationship with her neighbor (which hints at a budding romance). She was no longer the miserable single, and instead a more satisfied one.
*Get your finances straight. Singles are less likely to put money toward retirement, something that is fundamental if you want to live comfortably when you are older. If you have no dependents, you may not necessarily need life insurance, but health and disability insurance are important.
*Ignore the negatives. Similar to being childfree, being single still has its misconceptions. For example, women who are single and have successful careers aren’t always given the same respect as their male counterparts. Being single, whether temporarily or permanently, does not have to be justified to others.
Don’t succumb to pressures to date or enter into a relationship, simply because it is what the people closest to you want. They may want the best for you, but marrying just to satisfy convention is rarely a good idea. Sometimes, it’s better to be single than to settle for an unsatisfying relationship.
If you are mastering the art of being single for a lifetime, or if you are in between relationships or just haven’t found someone who is good for you, that’s fine. Regardless of your reason, while in the moment of being single, enjoy it.
Copyright . Published 1 October 2007 in Features.
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