I'm Convinced - Misery Loves Company
“So, when are you going to have children?” I find it quite telling that I am usually asked this intrusive question by women who look like they haven’t slept in two weeks, are being constantly interrupted during the conversation by their offspring, or are in one way or another tending to their little ones. I always think to myself, “Lady, you are doing nothing in the way of encouraging me!”
This is no coincidence, folks. I believe that most parents of the world are harboring a dirty little secret: they want us to be as miserable and tired as they are! I truly believe that they begin to feel better about their situation if they are “not alone.” They see you and your childfree lifestyle as “carefree,” and they feel a twinge of envy. They can’t imagine anyone sleeping through the night, enjoying a night out on the town without having to check in fifty times with the babysitter, having disposable income to spend on expensive vacations and on, yes, yet another pair of shoes, or simply not having to worry or fret 24 hours a day over another human being. Oh, and not to mention that you can have sex whenever you want and wherever you want. This last one really gets them!
I have yet to figure out if they are truly 100% envious or if they are just angry that they didn’t have the brains, courage, or forethought to actually remain childfree themselves. Many women think that they do not have a choice. They feel that childbearing is what is expected of them and if they refuse, they are somehow “less” of a woman and are “missing out” on this wonderful, mysterious journey called motherhood. I will give them this: it certainly is “mysterious,” and do you know why? Because parents lie, lie, lie, and then lie some more in an effort to (a) convince themselves that it’s not so bad and/or (b) they want you to be as miserable as they are.
In her book titled “I’m Okay, You’re a Brat,” Dr. Susan Jeffers refers to this as the “Conspiracy of Silence.” Dr. Jeffers states that “To this day, many years later, the world-at-large still glorifies, sanctifies, and romanticizes the longest and most difficult project in the world called PARENTHOOD…It truly does feel that on this subject, a conspiracy of silence pervades our society.” I couldn’t agree more.
In other words, you will be hard-pressed to find a parent that is going to be completely honest with you when it comes to sharing their parenting experiences, and if and when they do, they gloss over the gory details by stating that it is “worth it.” However, surveys have shown that if parents are given the option of remaining totally and completely anonymous, they are much more likely to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but. In 1975, Ann Landers conducted a survey asking parents if they would have had children had they known what it would be like. Much to her surprise, 70% of the respondents answered “NO.” In Nicki Defago’s 2005 book “Childfree and Loving It!” the author dedicates an entire section to this “conspiracy of silence” and she refers to statistical data from all around the world. She states that in a poll of 600 UK parents in 2000, just 4% said that child-rearing lived up to their expectations. She also indicates that US research reports that domestic abuse increases by 60% during pregnancy. This frightening statistic shows that even before a baby enters the picture, the stress that is most likely caused by even the thought of all the changes that are to come, can lead to unhappiness and in some cases, even violence.
Is this to say that all parents are secretly regretful of their decision and want you to join them at Mommy & Me on Saturday afternoons so they can have someone to talk to? No. I don’t think that is the case at all. I believe that a small percentage of parents actually adore being parents. Jeffers claims that these people are blessed with “LBP Genes” (Love-Being-a-Parent genes). These people do not mind the lack of privacy, money, career opportunities, sleep, sex, adult conversation, personal time, independence, freedom, peace of mind, relationships, and oh, so much more. Jeffers eloquently states, “Those with the LBP genes willingly give up much of their lives because of the wonderful benefits they experience in raising their children. Those without the LBP genes love their children, but feel as though they have been imprisoned without any chance of parole.”
So what are we to do? Do we take these parents that are pushing us to reproduce on their word and assume they have been blessed with these LBP genes and perhaps we too will just love being a parent, or do we assume they are all a bunch of liars? My advice to anyone considering having children is to be observant. Open your eyes and take a look around you. If you start looking instead of listening, you will be able to see the truth for yourself. The following is just one brief example of how observing rather than listening will lead you to the “truth of the matter.” Many parents claim having children has brought them “closer together,” yet all I see when I am out and about are couples who are completely engrossed in the children rather than in each other. One gets to eat while the other feeds the child. There is no adult conversation because they need to tend to the child, and of course, when the child begins to inevitably wail during the course of the evening, one parent is delegated to take the child outside while the other stays behind to sullenly ask the waiter for the bill and a doggy bag. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know how that brings a couple “together.”
I have been lucky enough to be blessed with an amazing circle of girlfriends that have been not only honest, but brutally honest. They have spared no ugly detail and have actually advised me to remain childfree. They love their children, they truly can’t imagine life without them (hell, they can’t even remember life before them), but they realize that being honest and truthfully sharing their experiences not only helps the person they are advising, but also allows them the luxury of purging themselves of all their pent up emotions. Quite honestly, I have only met one woman who appears to be comprised of LBP genes and only LBP genes. If you are doubtful about having children, then do the math. Statistically speaking, you are probably devoid of these genes! It would seem that they are the exception… not the norm!
Copyright Elena Izquierdo. Published 1 August 2008 in Editorials.
Reader comments
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Excellent article, Elena! I too am convinced that a relatively small number of parents actually want to raise children, and willingly make all the sacrifices. The others may find out too late that it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but have to do the best job they can out of love and concern for their kids (who aren’t at fault for being born, of course).
My brother-in-law actually told me once, when dealing with two preschool-age kids, “If I have to put up with all this, so should you!” He was saying it in kind of joking way, but I think there was an element of seriousness to it!
permalink — 1 August 2008, 08:49
Guess I’m lucky, I’ve never come across this. My few friends that do have kids had them in their late 30s and knew what they were getting into. They had already done a lot of traveling and had interesting life experiences and were ready to settle down in the family way. They totally understand why I don’t want kids too.
permalink — 2 August 2008, 17:50
This article, is, so true. Of course there are plenty of people out there who genuinely enjoy being parents, but, I personally know lots of couples who are quite obviously not happy but would rather die than admit it – so much so, that they have to prove to everyone and anyone who will listen that parenthood is the best thing since sliced bread! I only wish that the child free view was more accepted throughout society and that these couples could be more honest about it.
permalink — 3 August 2008, 08:00
GREAT, GREAT, article! I too have always wondered why parents would want to peddle something that has them sleep deprived and resentful most of the time. I do think it has its good moments, but I have yet to see all of the work and sacrifice outweigh the “benefits.” They always cite things such as “when they smile” or “when they say I love you.” But I still think it cannot possibly offset the LIFETIME of responsibility… not to mention the dreaded teenage years! It is definitely a sacrifice in every sense of the word and few people are truly the selfless and sacrificial types… that would explain the response Ann Landers got!
permalink — 4 August 2008, 09:43
I once was at the receiving end of a comment much like Chris’s BIL…from my dad! He worked very hard to financially support us (my mom pretty much refused to work) and put me through college, and I know on some level it peeves him that I won’t have to suffer like he did. I certainly appreciate his sacrifices (and now as an adult, understand them better) but no way do I have any desire to go through it myself.
It really pissed me off when he said that though, because aren’t your parents supposed to want you to have it BETTER than they did? Instead of just repeating their mistakes and their limitations? Comments like this really put the lie to the idiotic “parenting makes you a better, more selfless person” notion.
And like others here, I can’t help but notice that these comments tend to follow hour-long bitch-fests of how awful parenting can be. And the second they see the CF/CL person in their midst cringing in horror, they do a 180 and start hard-selling what they were just moaning about. I always wondered why, if parenthood is really so great and wonderful, parents and the culture seem to think it necessary to sell it so hard.
permalink — 5 August 2008, 19:54
I am a mother of two, my youngest being 3 1/2. Although I don’t pretend that being a parent is always easy or fun, I definitely don’t agree with your article. In fact, I feel that your quote regarding a UK research report, that domestic abuse increases by 60% during pregnancy is ridiculous. If your partner has violent tendencies, trust me, he/she is not going to wait for a pregnancy to show it. As I continued to read your article I came to the conclusion that maybe your decision to remain childless is the best thing. Many people should never become parents. To be a parent you must be selfless. Those sleepless nights seem horrible when they are spent taking care of a innocent baby, but when you were bar hopping with friends till 4AM, sleep was not a necessity. Do you CL/CF people ever ponder the fact that if your parents had decided to remain childless, you wouldn’t have been born. I can’t help but wonder what would happen if most people decided to remain CL/CF. I guess the human race as we know it would be no more. Just remember there is only 1 type of “unconditional love”; parent/child and this love is given to us by our Almighty Father. God Bless you.
permalink — 6 August 2008, 09:17
Funny & insgightful! Different way to look at it… great article!
permalink — 6 August 2008, 09:20
Chris, I agree 100% but my heart goes out to parents everywhere b/c quite frankly, I don’t think that they know what they are getting into and there is a lot of societal pressure to have children. Don’t be hurt by their comments, at least they are being honest and I don’t think that it changes the amount of love they have for you one bit! Sandra, I believe that the quote about domestic violence during pregnancy was taken from a book and was an actual study so to say it is ridiculous is well, ridiculous. It is a fact. Agree with it or not, it was a study and those were the results. You’re right however that these people obviously had violent tendencies to begin with. I think the stress of the situation perhaps brought it out which means that eventually, it would have happened… kids or no kids. I think it’s great that you enjoy parenting and quite frankly, we need more moms like you out there… moms that don’t mind the work and sacrifice. However, the tone of your comment would have me believe otherwise but I will take your word for it!!
permalink — 6 August 2008, 09:33
Hello, Sandra. Thank you for reading Unscripted. I appreciate your comment but I felt the need to point a few things out.
It is actually true that domestic abuse increases with pregnancy. The numbers are similar in the United States. THere have actually been laws enacted to combat this trend.
Secondly,selflessness is not a requirement of parenthood. There are plenty of news stories everyday testifying to this. Seflessness isn’t reserved for parents and is certainly not an attribute of all of them.
If a childfree person’s parents had never had them, they would not be here to care. And since 50% of pregnancies in the U.S. alone are accidental, there is no reason to worry about everyone deciding not to have children.
Your 3 1/2 year old isn’t old enough to give unconditional love. Children don’t understand love until about the age of five. At 3 1/2 your child would “love” whoever fed and sheltered him or her.
Thank you again for your comment.
permalink — 6 August 2008, 09:39
Sorry, my last comment was for Alex, not Chris… and again, I agree with you 100% Alex :)
permalink — 6 August 2008, 09:49
I appreciate all your comments to my comment. I also have a 6 year old so I guess this constitutes for “unconditional love”. Didn’t mean to offend anyone. There are so many people wanting to have children and can’t and the ones who can don’t want them. I find it humorous that CF/CL people say we want them to join in our misery. LOL
permalink — 6 August 2008, 10:14
Isn’t it great that we are all here discussing this? For those of you who have being asked, give a simple answer – don’t want any, not ready, or whatever other reason you may have.. In my days I’d answer with this, “my biological clock clicked, alarmed, and is now on snooze”. I’d get a good laugh and move on to another subject. But to say that people ask because “misery loves company” is an insult to the many parents to take pride in what they do. Everything in life has its good and bad. Ever think that they may just want you to experience the joys like they are experiening? Yes, there are joys. I saw and relished in the joys for the past 30 years with my nieces, nephews, god-children, and many friend’s children. Oh, when parents ask, it’s because, “Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers”. Childlessness, in blibical days was a curse – for sleping with a father’s or brother’s wife, etc.; many women went to lengths to ensure that their husbands had children. In many areas of the bible women and men were blessed with a child or children. Children are a blessing and a gift. If parenting was such a miserable thing, why then are so many uninvited men and women going thru such lenghts to become parents? Adoption, IVF, etc., is providing them with a mechanism. I don’t have the stats, however, has anyone considered the fact that many people think that pregnancy will change a bad relationship for the better? Sorry, but no amount of children can change that; only prayer.
While it doesn’t happen for all, many families still do enjoy the things they loved when they were CL. The trips to the restaurant or vacations may be fewer, and sleepless nights may be there for a few months but it’s all good..One has to want to love, give, and sacrifice to be be a good parent. Thank you for this opportinity. God Bless!
permalink — 6 August 2008, 11:04
I get the feeling that you are one of those people who shouldn’t have children. You would be one to physically harm or verbally abuse a child – who is a pure gift from God. Children do not “ask” to be born or concieved. It is up to a woman and/or man to have children. Then it is mother/fathers responsibility to love, nuture and care for those children that are born to them. Children are not “brats” by nature, it is how they are raised that determines if a child is raised without rules, boundries and values. I will pray that you won’t have any children. I shudder at the thought of a child not being loved and treasured for what they are and it bears repeating a pure gift from God. Please take every precaution not to get pregnant so that no innocent child needs to bear the wrath of you.
permalink — 6 August 2008, 12:15
Response to Proud to be a Mother –
I am glad that you are proud to be a mother. You are the kind of person who should have children. You enjoy them and being a mother is what you enjoy. I do not want children. I enjoy kids but do not want the responsibility of having my own. I do not want the responsibility of being a parent. I am an Aunt. I am a Godmother to 4 children – children whom I love and adore. Yet, I still do not want children of my own.
God has a plan for all of us. His plan for you was to be a parent. He obviously has different plans for me and I thank him everyday for allowing me to enjoy my blessed life without being required to be a parent.
permalink — 6 August 2008, 13:22
Proud to be a Mother:
It seems people want to read and take offense to snippets without noticing that the author also stated things such as “I believe that a small (and I mean small) percentage of parents actually adore being parents.” and “Is this to say that all parents are secretly regretful of their decision and want you to join them at Mommy & Me on Saturday afternoons so they can have someone to talk to? No. I don’t think that is the case at all.” Obviously the author realizes that there are those that regret their decision (as she quoted the Ann Landers survey) and those that absolutely do not. To say that she would physically harm a child because of what she wrote is hateful and it pains me to think that such a judgmental and hateful woman such as yourself is raising children of her own. I certainly hope this is not what you are teaching your children. This article seemed nothing more to me then a dark and witty take on why people are so obsessed with others reproductive choices. As a matter of fact, the author even points out at the beginning that she is asked this questions when parents look their worst: “I find it quite telling that I am usually asked this intrusive question by women who look like they haven’t slept in 2 weeks, are being constantly interrupted during the conversation by their offspring, or are in one way or another tending to their little ones.” I myself will PRAY that you think before accusing someone of being a possible child abuser. How sad that you have poisoned what was a lively and interesting exchange of thoughts, ideas, and OPINIONS by saying such a horrific thing. Shame on you.
permalink — 6 August 2008, 15:12
To Proud to be a Mother –
I find it quite ironic that you are the one with the vindictive attitude described. Though Elena’s article does come across as harsh to those who do have children and love them, she is just expressing that having children isn’t necessary and it isn’t right for everyone. What should be taken from this article isn’t that children are a curse to everyone, but that it isn’t as easy and fun as some may assume, but that some people are truely happier without them. It was completely inappropriate to assume that because she was INTELLIGENT enough to think parenthood through that she would be a neglectful or abusive parent if she decided to become a mother. I hope your children don’t adopt your judgmental attitude, because the world needs less of that and not of people smart enough to think twice about having a child.
permalink — 6 August 2008, 16:14
My, my what different opinions we all have. I myself love being a mom although there are days that I just want to crawl under a rock but I guess we all at one time or another feel that way with or without children. It’s a personal preference but I think that it’s not as bad as some people say it is. Obviously having a loving, compassionate and hands-on daddy helps. I personally think it’s harder to keep a marriage together then it is raising children. Good luck to all of you.
permalink — 6 August 2008, 17:48
Sandra’s post sounds awfully self-righteous. The only type of unconditional love is parent/child. Please. I know people that were raised in physically abusive homes, and the only thing that was unconditional was the violence. Yes, the parents were unconditionally violent, whether their kids were good or bad. It didn’t matter. It all depended on the mood of the parent.
And to the other poster that trotted out the old “children are a blessing,” I just want to point out that they are a blessing to people that want them, and are financially, physically and emotionally able to have children. Phrases like this perpetuate the myth around parenting, and keep people having children without questioning whether it is the right choice for them and their partner.
It is true that there are people that will go to great lengths to have children. Some of these people desperately want children, and some of them are caught up in the idea that everyone must have children, somehow, someway. People are so brainwashed by this idea that they are dumbstruck when they find out they can’t have children. They don’t know what else they are going to do with their lives b/c we have been told this is “the thing” to do. A little critical thinking would go a long way when it comes to parenting.
This author is merely presenting a different point of view. I’m wondering why a parent would visit a childfree board, and take the time to comment? It is akin to a childfree person visiting a board on lactation. What would be the point? And what do we know about lactation?
Well, parents don’t know what it is like to be childfree, either.
The comment about partying until 4 a.m. was offensive, and is one of the myths surrounding unchilded people. My husband and I are childfree adults, and don’t spend any of our free time partying. We know what is important in life, and don’t waste our time on what isn’t.
permalink — 7 August 2008, 09:58
To those who think the original article is harsh (to quote the last poster), it represents a point of view that some in the non-child free world just don’t understand. Just like there are those in the child-rearing world that can not see the childfree and our mindset (and like it), there are those in the childfree world that can not put themselves into the mindset of a child-rearing adult’s mindset and enjoy it. On some topics, these people will not be able to meet and agree.
I am never going to have a child of my own, which is fine, because I never wanted the responsibility that goes with it. But that is my viewpoint and the viewpoint of my wife, and it does not have to agree with someone elses viewpoint. To those that claim that all childfree people party till 4 am and live lives of luxury and leisure, no, that is not the truth. (Ok, so I’m 41 and my wife is … older. We’re no spring chickens :) ) I work hard for my money. My wife works hard at home at her job. We make ends meet. Yes, we travel occasionally, taking our standard 2 week or so vacation, but we don’t hop on a jet every weekend and party all around the world. We enjoy the company of our family and friends, we socialize some, but we also enjoy the solace of being alone in silence. We have happy moments, and we have sad moments. We have times when we are on top of the world. We also have times when we feel like the world is on top of US. We pay our bills. We pay our taxes. We pay our mortgage. We have our own individual responsibilities. The only major difference between us and another typical couple who has kids with has similar aspirations is that we don’t have children to take care of 24/7.
I know parents of three who have raised good kids, through a LOT of effort on their part. I also know parents of three whose familial structure is broken down to nothing because of bad parents and bad parenting, with children being hurt in the process. It is ugly, but it is what happens in this world. Crap happens, and the strength of a person/family is how one gets through the tough times — be the people have children or not.
Maybe this message won’t make a difference for the people listed above. I can only hope that someday, someone will come across this and gain a realization that “Hey, maybe, just maybe, my neighbors/co-workers/relatives are NOT evil, baby-haters because they do not have/want kids. They are just like me.”
That is my hope.
permalink — 7 August 2008, 12:15
Have or have not?
Have for me please! And am happy with the decision. What is easy and worth-while? Not many things.
Kudos to the Elena who realizes ahead of time she doesn’t want to change her life style. Personally, I wouldn’t change a thing!
permalink — 7 August 2008, 12:57
To Question Norms: I am so sorry to hear that you know people that were raised in physically abusive homes. I guess I’m looking at this “unconditional love” through my eyes. To satisfy your curiosity, the only reason why i even came across this article is because a friend of a friend of a friend emailed the link to me..never even heard of this website before. I like all the feedback though :^) Hey I loved being married with no kids (I’ve been there) but at 34 I felt a void in my life that not even my wonderful husband could fill and now I love this part of my life. For those of you who don’t want children. GOOD FOR YOU! Being a parent is hard and not for everyone.
permalink — 7 August 2008, 13:14
Sandra, I do feel sorry that you had such a void in your life, but am glad that children “fixed” that. But your posts here have been less than respectful. You claim that CF people could never have children because we’d have to be selfless? I’m selfless in many areas of my life, just like you. That doesn’t make you better.
And speaking of the whole “selfish/selfless” thing, how selfish of you was it to have children to attempt to fill that mysterious “void” you experienced? People who live in glass houses …
I’m surprised at the number of people who bring God into this. Why is everyone so intent that God meddles in everyone’s lives? I’m just saying – children happen because sperm fertilize eggs – not because God waves his magical wand and said “thou shalt procreate. Yeah, I mean you. SPECIFICALLY.” To bring God into this implies that if someone is unable to have children, God made that decision, too. How awful for someone to think that God decided he/she wasn’t good enough for kids.
And the comment about how children can’t fix bad relationships, only prayer? I agree that the responsibility of children do NOT fix bad relationships, only make them worse. Just look at the number of divorces that involve children vs. no children. (I’d cite some studies, but people like Sandra don’t care for solid evidence like that.) Prayer doesn’t help marriages. Prayer does nothing. Therapy helps marriages. Communication helps marriages. Doing things together helps marriages. Prayer does nothing except make you think you’re doing something while you watch your marriage disintegrate. Unless that was God’s plan, too. He’s awfully busy, isn’t he?
In addition, I’m surprised at the amount of negativity towards the article writer. Saying she’d likely abuse her children? How defamatory and inappropriate is that? I really have no respect for people who would make such accusations. I hope you don’t teach your children such biased nonsense.
Maybe there ARE childfree people who shouldn’t have kids. But there are WAY more people who DO have kids who shouldn’t. I don’t need hard proof to back that up. I see it every day. I also see REALLY good parents every day. Being a parent doesn’t magically turn you into a good, selfless person. Being a good, selfless person helps you be a good parent.
So you parents should think of that next time you decide to pull a “holier-than-thou” attitude. You’re not better than those who don't have children, just different.
permalink — 7 August 2008, 17:54
This is a debate that could go on for days on end. The author is a good writer. Everyone is missing the point. I think what Sandra meant was that if you become a parent you have to give up a lot of things (obviously), but those things become insignificant once you become a parent. Trust me I know parents that don’t give up anything! (they have a ful-time nanny that takes care of everything) and that’s ok too. Do you think after a hard days work I want to take the kids to the park?? Heck no! My best friend is childfree and she’s the most considerate selfless person I know. I respect those woman who don’t want to have children and do something about it. Everyone’s opinion in this debate is just that an opinion…no right or wrong answers.
permalink — 8 August 2008, 07:37
Having children is NOT a selfless act—it’s one of the most selfish things a person can do. Think about it: you set out to create another being in your likeness—how is that not selfish?
Before you get your undies in a bundle, you should know that I have a toddler and am currently pregnant. And having children IS harder on a marriage, there’s no doubt about that in my mind as well as the minds of many sociologists who have documented it.
True selflessness is helping others, and that comes in a wide variety of forms, from volunteering to picking up the slack for a coworker whose childcare just canceled. My sister and a good friend are childless by choice, and frankly I think they are doing the world a favor by not adding another being to the world that creates more environmental waste. There is something important being said for population control. Yes, I have kids, but the way I look at it is that the people I know who are childfree by choice have helped create some space for them on this planet. And for that, I am grateful.
permalink — 10 August 2008, 22:24
AMD: Thank you for your honesty! I think it takes A LOT of courage to be a mother and speak openly and honestly about how difficult it is! Kudos to you!
permalink — 11 August 2008, 16:08
I, too, wonder why the parents posting here are bothering to weigh in on a childfree site. If you’re so deliriously happy, why are you concerned about other people who hold opposing views on the value of parenthood? Why bother coming to a childfree site to further your views, or are you trying to convince yourself of your claimed opinion?
In any case, your children are probably waiting for you to get off the computer and enjoy their presence in your life. I suggest that you not waste a moment of what brings you all such joy.
permalink — 18 August 2008, 18:06
This article is right on the money. It is always – and I mean ALWAYS – the mothers who are screaming and yelling at their kids, who have bags under their eyes, are 5 hours short on sleep who turn to me and ask me why I don’t want children. Are you kidding me?
I truly believe it’s a “misery loves company” situation. I think coming face to face with a childfree by choice person creates a kind of cognitive dissonance for a parent because their entire status quo belief system of “parenthood is the greatest and most fulfilling road to happiness” mirage is shattered when they compare themselves to us. Just by nature of being there, we invalidate them when they are so used to being validated 24 hours a day, 365 days a year in our culture.
permalink — 19 August 2008, 02:47
P.S. Why is AMD praising her own post?
permalink — 19 August 2008, 02:48
OMG! It was me who praised AMD’s post… I just realized the mistake! OOPS! Thank you Childfreeee :)
permalink — 19 August 2008, 15:02
I agree with Childfreeee – it does blow a parent’s circuit board when they meet someone that isn’t consumed with parenting. There are people out there that don’t have kids, because they weren’t married during their reproductive years, or they are single now, or a number of other reasons that are circumstantial. But I can’t emphasize enough that most people just can’t comprehend that having kids is optional, and a choice. And when they meet someone that has consciously chosen not to have kids, they don’t know what to do with it.
I’m amazed that people just blindly go along with it, because everywhere I go, I see parents that don’t look that happy. I don’t know why anyone would want to replicate that in their lives. The brainwashing is pretty severe in our culture, though, and I think people believe the words “parenting is wonderful,” without considering what their eyes and ears are showing them every day – that it aint all that.
permalink — 23 August 2008, 06:08
The person at work who gives me the most hassle and the most why don’t you have kids, you are selfish and WHEN you have kids and all that IS DEFINATELY jealous.
She once asked what I was doing for my holiday I told her where I was travelling to and she sniped “You and your husband should not travel but save your money and buy a house like X and HER husband.” Honey, we WILL end up with BOTH.
And later on (a week?) she said she used to travel lots before she had her 3 kids.
And then she pretended to be pregnant as a joke to hubby and she told us he said but we haven’t been having sex & I wondered when was the last time they did! And she also will often whinge about the kids (e.g. having to take them to after school activities EVERY day!!) and then moments later ask why I don’t have and want any!
permalink — 24 August 2008, 05:14