How to Have a Party Without Kids
Want to have an adults-only party, but your childed friends just don’t get it? Here are a few tips for helping them to see the light.
1. Be direct. Say it’s an adult party, clothing optional. Let’s do some swinging!
2. Have a “No Weenies, Just Martinis” party. Serve only martinis and insist everyone have one. Remind guests that it’s a drought year and you’re trying to conserve water.
3. On the announcement, tell your guest a White Elephant gift exchange is planned and to bring an gift-wrapped adult toy to the party.
4. When you leave a follow-up message to see if they’re coming, ask each guest to bring their best dirty joke or limerick.
5. Use a good swear word or two when you’re calling again to see about their RSVP status.
6. If you actually get them on the phone, say, “you don’t mind if we do a little “weed/crack/snort/coke/heroin/play Twister” do you?” Wait, no one will come if you do that!
7. Also, mention that there will be no lifeguard at your backyard pool party, even if you don’t have a pool.
8. If your friend calls you to ask if you really meant it about their kids, say in a firm voice, “Yes, because my cats hate all children.”
9. If they still want to bring their kids, mention that you have really cool neighbors and they are going to come over too, so everyone’s going to get really crazy.
10. If none of the above works, look up their son/daughter’s MySpace page and tell how much you really want them to be there because you want to set them up with your niece/nephew from (somewhere they’d hate to visit). Oh, and that you’ll be playing Twister.
Copyright . Published 1 August 2007 in The Zone.
Reader comments
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HAHA! I loved this list. Thanks. I’d also change Twister to Naked Twister. :P
permalink — 12 August 2007, 23:14