Gay and Childfree
Much has been said about the childfree lifestyle from the heterosexual point of view. But this leaves out many people for whom childfreedom is increasingly becoming a decision instead of the default.
Today, those of the LGTBA (lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual, asexual) community find themselves having to choose the childfree lifestyle instead of taking it as a given. With in vitro fertilization (IVF) becoming more successful, and adoption law changing to fit new ideals of “family,” heterosexuality is no longer a prerequisite for having children. In fact, many gay individuals now find they have to deal with the same reactions to childfreedom as their heterosexual counterparts.
For many, their sexuality is barely a factor when choosing a life sans dirty diapers and Barney. “I suddenly realized that I didn’t have to do all the things I grew up thinking I had to do,” says Mo from North Carolina, “And having kids was on that list.” Mo began to consider childfreedom before even realizing he wasn’t straight.
Asked whether they feel they’re only supported in their childfree decision because their family and friends are opposed to their sexuality, many answer no. Rebecca from Canada says that her friends support both her pansexuality and childfreedom. And Jennifer from Pennsylvania gets support from friends and family.
But not everyone is so lucky. Some only avoid bingos by keeping either their sexuality or their desire to eschew parenthood a secret. “My family is not aware of either, but I [don’t] think that they would approve,” says Katrina, though she does think her parents would become more accepting over time.
Amanda, who resides in Pennsylvania, feels that some friends think her sexuality should preclude her from parenthood. “They like me being childfree because I’m not heterosexual,” she says. “But I think most of my friends respect me.”
Some members of the LGTBA community escape criticism because both their sexuality and childfreedom are closely guarded secrets. But with the amount of homophobia still prevalent in today’s society, and the acceptance as parenthood as the norm, this is hardly a surprise.
Then there are those whose family and friends support their sexuality, but not their childfree status. Misty feels that her bisexuality is more accepted than her childfree lifestyle. “I think it’s because it’s so accepted that most people grow up and have babies that not wanting them seems so different.”
While friends and family increasingly question the reproductive choices of gay couples, they still manage to escape the pressure from the LGBTA community at large. However, some wonder if that pressure is to come. Amanda has noticed that it’s becoming rare to see gay couples represented in the media unless they are parents. “It seems [to say] let’s all adopt kids and prove how good we are at parenting,” she says. “In stories, books, and comics, [they] seem to always have kids.”
One thing is evident; heterosexuals don’t have a monopoly on the costs or benefits that come with childfreedom. The LGTBA childfree must deal with the same questions and accusations. But they get the same freedom and happiness that often comes with the choice. Hopefully, we can all dodge the pessimists and poopie diapers and enjoy our childfree living.
Copyright . Published 1 January 2007 in Features.
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