Dying to be a Mother
Horror movies can be a lot of fun. I don’t often see them in the theater, true, but they make up a fair percentage of my Netflix requests. Horror novels also make up most of my vacation reading, for the simple reason that most of them are at least interesting enough to finish, if not interesting enough to read twice.
Some horror tropes, like the woman in danger, or child in danger, go with the territory, and I have no problem with them. I’m perfectly willing to be drawn into a story featuring a child in trouble, provided the author or filmmaker makes me care at least a little bit about the child in question.
The trope that’s caught my attention recently, however, is that of woman dying to be a mother. And I mean that literally, not in the sense of, “I’m just dying to have a baby!” If done well, it can be an effective ending to an engaging tale. But this ‘ghost parent ghetto’ is occupied, as far as I can tell, by only one gender of parent.
The latest movie (that I’ve watched, anyway) to fall into this trope is the excellent The Orphanage, a Spanish film from 2007 that, like 2001’s The Devil’s Backbone, will certainly give you a few shivers and keep you glued to the screen, and not just because you’re reading subtitles. If this were a movie review, I’d be giving it an A. The main female character, who believes her child has been taken by ghosts, walks the line between making the audience wonder is she crazy, or is she really seeing things?, while the other characters are, of course, convinced that something more pedestrian, like a kidnaper, is to blame for the missing child.
Fairly early on, it’s established that ghosts can grant a wish if you follow the trail of bread crumbs they leave behind as clues to a treasure. Find the treasure, get your wish. Is it any wonder, then, that the mother follows the clues to the treasure and wishes to be with her child forever? Not really, though despite the ending being telegraphed early on, The Orphanage is still definitely worth viewing.
In the somewhat creepy, but largely incoherent, 2005 film Dark Water, a woman, who was abandoned by her own mother, finds a ghost girl who needs a mommy. Like The Ring and The Grudge before it, Dark Water is a remake of a Japanese horror film, but is not nearly as engaging or frightening as the other two. By the end of this rather limp movie, the ghost threatens the main character’s daughter’s life, so the woman agrees to abandon her own daughter to become mother to the ghost girl.
Then there was 1999’s The Haunting, a remake of the classic, The Haunting of Hill House. In this version, the main female character discovers that one of her ancestors killed many of the children he employed in his factories and that their spirits still reside in his house. Our heroine defeats the evil spirit of the ancestor by sacrificing herself. Her sacrifice frees the children’s souls, and the children and their new mother-guardian enter heaven together. At least in this movie, the caretaker mother figure and the children can be in paradise together, rather than spend eternity in a somber ghostly limbo.
If you cast your memories back even further, there was The Haunting of Julia (released in the US in 1981, released in the UK in 1976 under the title Full Circle). Julia (Mia Farrow) loses her child and then discovers her new house is haunted by what she believes is her daughter’s spirit. Even after she realizes it’s not her daughter, but another little girl (an extremely homicidal little girl, I may add), she decides staying in the house eternally with the girl is better than the chance of reuniting with her own daughter later.
Interestingly, although Julia offers herself up for eternal motherhood, viewers have no indication that the ghost actually accepted. Julia dies, but the question of whether or not she remains in the house with the ghost child is left unanswered. This movie has never been released on DVD, but you can watch the final three minutes here.
In each case, a woman decides that eternity with dead children is better than any other fate she might choose. Because, you know, ghost children don’t ever grow up. They need someone to be their mommy for eternity.
Well, hmm. Not the fate I would choose for myself, perhaps, but OK. I’m not necessarily against women dying to be mothers of ghost children as a plot point. But what is bugging me is that I can’t come up with a movie where a man faces the same choice. In 2008’s Hellboy II, for instance, it’s the news that he’s about to be a father that brings Hellboy back to life. His character doesn’t die to be a father, he lives to be a father.
In 1408, the main character, a man who has lost his daughter, survives the titular haunted hotel room in both original short story and the 2007 theatrical release. At some point, he sees his dead daughter in the room, even though she didn’t die there, and in the theatrical release, it’s the sound of his daughter’s voice on an audiotape which convinces his wife that his tales of what happened in the room aren’t just crazy talk. The Director’s Cut, however, gives a different ending — the man, finally convinced the room won’t let him out alive, torches it in revenge for his own death. Remaining with his daughter for eternity is the result, but fatherly devotion was not his primary motivation. Note that the version where the main character dies was reshot after test audiences considered it too much of a downer — yet movies where women die are apparently not downers. Or at least not enough to upset test audiences.
Which leaves me with questions. Are female characters simply more expendable? Are male characters who feel overwhelming devotion not believable? Are audiences, filmmakers, and writers simply so comfortable with the concept of a woman sacrificing herself for her own child (or, indeed, any child) that they don’t think beyond it? What do you think?
Copyright Martha Kneib. Published 1 February 2009 in The Zone.
Reader comments
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Really nice article addressing an interesting question! I think this phenomenon is definitely linked to the idea that women are defined solely by their ability to have children, and that the ideal woman is one that would give her all for said children. Men, of course, don’t deal with their children…unless the mother has died (hi, Disney movies!)
That said – aren’t men supposed to be the “big strong protectors” of their families? Isn’t that supposed to be a manly thing, protecting your family at all costs? Why, then, should it be so odd for a man to die for his child out of fatherly devotion? Of course, many of your examples are based around women being mothers to children that aren’t really theirs. Maybe this plays into the stereotype that men won’t care for a child that isn’t biologically theirs. Who knows. Again, though – great, thought-provoking article!
permalink — 14 February 2009, 19:32
Hmmm, great questions ending a great article. Closest example I can come up with is Bruce Willis’ character in the movie Armageddon, but in actuality he was sacrificing his own life (dying by staying behind while the meteor is finally destroyed) for all of humanity which makes him more of a Jesus-type figure.
I agree with the author that we’re not going to see too many efforts at storytelling where a man sacrifices himself for a child. I think it just won’t sell. Ultimately, this is due to the “glorification of mommy hood” that our culture clings to. There is something that the public loves about a woman ending it all, all “for the sake of the children”. And to be honest with you, it bothers me. Why is it that a woman’s most heroic feat must always be linked to some aspect of mothering? It is not all women were meant to do with their lives and it is certainly not the only aspiration that a woman has.
permalink — 15 February 2009, 16:02
You won’t see men die for their kids in movies. Instead they’ll kill everything that moves for their kids. Like the movie Taken. Men get to kick ass and damn the collateral damage. Women are weak and all they can do is die for their kids.
permalink — 16 February 2009, 11:02
Women get to kick ass, too, at least sometimes (Ripley, Sarah Connor), but do men ever get to do the ‘dying to be your forever-ghost-parent’ thing? I’m sure I should be able to think of one example, but I still can’t.
permalink — 17 February 2009, 15:11
I forgot about Sarah Connor. There needs to be more of that and less of the martyr treatment.
permalink — 18 February 2009, 05:26
Interesting question!
I think your observation drives home the point that the purpose of a woman’s existence (according to our culture) is to be a mother, therefore if she can’t be a mother, she might as well be dead, or offer up her life for motherhood. Our culture equates motherhood with womanhood so that a female who is not a mother is not a “real woman”.
On the other hand, while our culture generally holds fatherhood in high esteem and as an important part of a man’s life, a man is not defined by fatherhood, nor is fatherhood considered his primary purpose of existence. A man’s value is spread across many areas of his life…his career, his education, his recreational pursuits – a man is valued for all the facets of his being.
I think (or at least hope) that over time this will change and motherhood will not be equated with womanhood. I know that I am not a mother, but I am 100% woman!
permalink — 22 February 2009, 12:03